Safe Haven
by KeepSaying
Summary: About the importance of a Safe Haven and how Kurt, Reade, Tasha, Jane and Patterson feel about theirs.


**A/N** : Long time no see! I'm not even sure what this is except for kinda long. But enjoy :)

* * *

In a city as big as New York there had to be at least a million different locations to spend your time at. Some in the middle of the city, some in the parks, some at the water or in the woods.

In a city as big as New York with over 8 million inhabitants each of those places means something to someone. Every locations is sacred to someone. Someone who goes there to maintain a sense of control in the whirlwind of twists and turns their life takes. A safe haven where they can take a step back and catch their breath when everything seems to be falling down. Or just a place where they spend their downtime – where they feel home and cared for.

In a city as big as New York there's a safe haven for everyone.

* * *

 **Kurt**

He walked down the street unhurriedly, taking his time to look at the houses next to the one he was living in, watching the people who crossed his path – mostly in a hurry. It's been so long since he had taken the time to properly look at the world that surrounded him and he found peace in the people around him who seemed to always know where they were going.

It took him longer than it would have in his usual pace to reach the park at the end of his street but he enjoyed the fresh air on a warm summer day and the breeze that tussled his - slightly longer than usual - hair every once in a while.

He remembered the first time he walked down this path. On the first night in his new apartment. He hadn't even settled in properly into this new city, he had only build up most of his furniture – which hadn't been a lot to speak of at that point – and put his clothes in the new wardrobe. There had been a restlessness to his mind that he had known for most of his life – ever since that fateful night – that had driven him out of his apartment in a freezing cold night and onto the street, wandering through his new neighborhood.

* * *

 _Kurt's mind was running a mile a minute and he would've loved to let his body catch up with it but after a long day of moving everything he owned into his new apartment and then spending hours putting everything together - he was beat. He simply didn't have the energy to go for a run like he did usually every night. And he didn't have the willpower to stay still either. So here he was in a jacket too cold for a winter night walking through those new alien streets he now called home, trying to outwalk his mind._

 _He would be starting as an Agent of the FBI in two days. It hadn't really come as a surprise when he had gotten the positive reply to his application with a ticket to Quantico – he knew he was good. After all his whole life had practically consisted of him working up to this moment. Right after his time in the military he had applied for a job at the New York Office of the FBI and being in top shape he hadn't even had to prepare very hard for it._

 _And now he was fresh out of Quantico – just three days back – and had already left his home town again. Not that it had felt like that. It hadn't been his home anymore ever since all those years ago when Taylor went missing. The only reason for him to visit this horrible city he grew up in that carried so much pain for him, had been his sister. And Sarah had moved in with her boyfriend - who was living in Portland - now so he had no reason to ever go back._

 _And still. He hadn't really found a home anywhere else. It was one of the reasons for his restlessness._

 _Truth be told, it was his fault. He hadn't ever let himself settle in – really settle in – anywhere out of fear for.. Yeah, he wasn't even sure what he was scared of by settling down but he was and he just didn't feel like making a home just to have it pulled away from him again. It was easier this way._

 _At least that was what he told himself._

 _But maybe this time would be different. Maybe this time he would be able to find a place he could call 'home' once again. After all he intended to stay here for a while if they let him._

 _Looking up – really_ _ **looking**_ _– for the first time since he had left his apartment he realized that he had reached the end of the street and was just trying to decide whether to go back and call it a night – he had still stuff to do tomorrow after all – or to just keep walking straight ahead when he caught glimpse of a park to his left. Pulling his jacket tighter around him and rubbing his hands together in front of his face he came to the conclusion that a park was as good a place as any to pass a sleepless night._

 _He crossed the street seeing his breath freeze in the cold air of the night and stepped into the park. It was quiet – it_ _ **was**_ _after midnight he reminded himself – and when he looked around he felt an odd sense of familiarity in this place he had never seen before. The trees reminded him of a time when they had climbed trees just like those and for once it was a bittersweet memory and he let himself enjoy the feel of the nature he hadn't expected to find._

 _Strolling around some more he discovered a playground and a small kiosk next to it with some benches as a final touch. It was a perfect place for children and family. But the bench that called to him the most was one that stood separate from the others._

 _It was standing between two trees and was facing the water. The lantern next to it wasn't working and so it was completely dark when he sat down and stared straight ahead._

* * *

Kurt smiled at the memory. He remembered having sat there for at least three more hours and finding some peace and tranquility for the first time in years. He had come here every day the first few months of his new job. After that he hadn't had the time – but whenever he _did_ have the time he would come back to just sit there for a few hours at times.

He wasn't always alone in the park. There were a lot of families using the playground and some elderly couples going for a walk but for some reason this particular bench seemed to be free whenever he needed it.

Looking down at his watch he realized that he'd been staring at the water for almost two hours again and there was somewhere he had to be.

* * *

 **Reade**

It had been a quiet Friday at work – a quiet week really – and what better way to spend your free time from chasing bad guys than surrounded by books?

Contently he strolled along the narrow row of book shelves next to even more book shelves. He took some books out to give them a quick look, most he put back after reading the synopsis but some he took with him to an old looking wingchair in the back of the library. He enjoyed the feeling of turning the paper pages and the smell of each book.

It was a small library in a small corner in Brooklyn with only one librarian who lived for her job, who knew every book in her library by heart and knew all her regular visitors by name. Her name was Molly and he had known her since he had been old enough to read.

All the way through his childhood he had always been a nerd, spending so much time with books that soon he had read all literature for his age and started reading the adult books before he had even reached fourth grade. His parents didn't have that much time – both working to give him and his older sister the best life possible – and whenever they weren't home and his sister was still out with friends he would come here and talk to Molly, help her sort in some books and take a bunch of new books home with him.

When he had started football practice a lot of his time and energy had gone into his training and he hadn't had any time to spare in the afternoon to just sit back and read a book or simply relax in the library. First he had tried to still go there every other week but soon he stopped visiting ' _The Old Bookworm'_ \- as Molly tenderly called her library – altogether.

He had never found a place where he had felt this calm after that. His whole life had seemed to have taken up the pace and everything just rushed past him until he had graduated and after that he had left New York to serve his military duty and he had never come back.

In the years after he returned to New York he had always felt quite good about himself, about his job, about his friends. He was content with his life, feeling at home in his apartment, laughing a lot, working out – and spending most of his time at the office anyway – he hadn't even thought about his former favorite place on earth.

But with the whole Coach Jones' case everything had come tumbling down and after spending a shitfaced night under some bridge because he hadn't been able to find his way back home and skipping work the day after that, there had been no place where he had felt completely comfortable.

His own apartment reminded him of his shame. The gym reminded him of the Coach. The whole of New York reminded him of how unfair life could be and how many people suffered. Every bus reminded him of Freddy. One day he simply let his feet carry him around the city, shutting his mind off, and he had ended up on the doorstep of ' _The Old Bookworm'_ at 11 o'clock in the evening. Needless to say that it was closed.

But the day after that, after work he purposely drove to the old building and after sitting in the car for 15 minutes found the energy to get up and get in.

Molly had recognized him immediately. Gushing over how grown up he looked in his suit and rebuking him for not coming to visit her sooner and that he looked tired, if he even slept. She had made him a cup of tea and sat down a plate of cookies on the table next to the two leather armchairs he had always loved so much and she had made him tell her how he was doing and what he was working and what books he had read in the last few months – which weren't a lot to her dismay.

It had felt so much like coming home after a long day that Reade didn't even know what to think about it, he simply reacted to the bubbly warm personality of Molly who now had wrinkles and grey hair to accompany her grandmotherly demeanor.

He would have lied if he had said that after this one cleansing conversation everything in his life returned back to normal, that he came to terms with the Coach Jones' case and his entanglement in it because everything was still incredibly hard to deal with. But for once he had a place where all of that couldn't touch him.

"Edgar, didn't you say you wanted to leave before 7 today?" the old lady wanted to know nudging him gently and bringing him back to reality.

"Thanks, Molly" he smiled at her and got up to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek "You are absolutely right."

* * *

 **Tasha**

There was nothing like the sound of the ocean. Tasha had come to that conclusion pretty early in her life.

Where she had grown up they'd had the ocean practically on their front porch and so much of her childhood and teens had been spent in the Mexican Gulf that sometimes her brothers teased her that she really should have become a mermaid not a human being with two legs.

She grinned thinking back to the two idiots who were due to visit her next months after almost a year of not seeing them at all. They were the only family she had, the only blood family she acknowledged and she missed them like hell. In fact, they were the reason she had even found this place.

When she had left her hometown and her brother's behind her to work for the NYPD she had felt completely lost in this big city. The only time she really felt calm was when she was walking along the many beaches of New York and over the first year she had explored everything there was to explore about the coast of the Big Apple.

She knew where she could find the perfect ice cream and where the best place to rent a surf board was. She knew where she could expect to find more families or where she'd find the older kids. She knew which exact spot was the best to experience the 4th of July fireworks from and she knew where it was best to go swimming.

Her favorite spot to escape from reality, though, was on a rocky beach that really was more rocks than beach. When she had found it she had been frustrated after a long day and had wanted some sort of physical challenge so when she had seen the big rocks that let alongside the coast and directly into the water she had immediately sensed her chance to let off some steam _and_ get closer to the ocean.

It hadn't been a very hard climb but the view was breathtaking – in the direction of the city as well as towards the ocean – and she was completely alone on her spot while she could only hear the waves and nothing more.

It had become her place to run to. The complete isolation in the middle of a huge beach leaving her feeling so small, but in a good way. With her, all her problems shrank as well until they were merely a drop in an ocean of untamable waves.

The Atlantic Ocean was wild. It was cold most of the time and never really calm. She loved it for all of those reasons.

She loved that, after a day running around in mud, crawling through dirt, being spit at by suspects and sometimes simply being stuck in the office doing paperwork, she could come here and wash all that stress and dust and dirt off her body by simply jumping off the rocks into the soothingly cold tide.

It was the only time she ever really let herself let loose of all the control she usually needed and completely succumb to the waves.

On summer days like this one, after a quick swim and dive she would climb out again and lay down on top of the biggest rock on her towel letting herself dry and tan in the sun, read a book or just think or not think.

It felt so much like the beaches in her hometown, that weren't so full of people and didn't have that amazingly gold beach sand. This felt raw. She felt raw laying here.

Tasha threaded a hand through her unruly wet hair and grimaced at the thought of having to comb it. As amazing as the water was, the salt really wasn't the best thing for her hair. Realizing that she also realized that she had to get off the rock now and get home and get ready and that all in the next ninety minutes.

"Oops" she grinned and grabbed her stuff, pulling a large T- Shirt over her still damp bikini and – after a last look back at the water – began her climb back up to where she had parked her car.

* * *

 **Jane**

In the time since she had crawled out of that bag in Times Square Jane hadn't had much time to wander around the city to discover new places, so the places she turned to when she wanted to unwind where those few she did know.

Most often she found herself sitting in the grass in front of the headstone Roman and Shephard had shown her to convince her of their case. It had made her think. About the country she was currently protecting, about people in high places lying their way through everything, about life and death. She thought about duty and deserters. About family and friends.

Sitting here she had started remembering bits and pieces of her time in the military. Nothing that could've told them anything they didn't already know, no, but a feeling for who she had been and why she had served. Most clearly she remembered her Navy SEAL team.

They had been together from the day they all had survived the _Hellweek_ as the first part of their training. Going to the limits of their capacities had welded them together like nothing else she had ever experienced before. Apart from Roman, of course. Those four boys had become her family just as much as her blood- brother.

Together they had made sure they passed the next two parts of the SEAL training in a way that everyone knew what they were getting into when they tried to hurt one of them. They left no one behind. Never.

* * *

 _"_ _We are officially Navy SEALs!" an ecstatic Casey Robek screamed at the top of his lungs and threw his fist in the air._

 _Thoughtfully Remi turned her new SEAL Trident, their Special Warfare Insignia, in her hands, the golden eagle reflecting the hot sun they were currently celebrating under. She grinned up at her friends who had already pinned the sign to his chest, displaying it proudly and earning laughter and back-slapping equally._

 _"_ _You know what they say" another one of her brothers chimed in sitting down next to her and watching Casey with a frown "The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday" he quoted the unofficial mantra of their unit._

 _"_ _Oh come on, Lance" she punched him in the shoulder "Let him have this one evening of celebration. He deserves it. Hell, we_ _ **all**_ _deserve it!"_

 _"_ _I know, Remi" the brown-haired man with the wise eyes sighed and rubbed his shoulder absentmindedly "I'm just saying that we don't know what will happen tomorrow. They-"_

 _"_ _They will assign us to our new teams and units for the first time" Casey agreed coming closer to them "I've been thinking about that too" he had grown somber looking down at the golden sticker in Remi's hands "You think they'll split us up?"_

 _Remi, the only woman of the newly named Navy SEALs looked up at him with a fire in her eyes that made most men – and women – take a step back in fear of awakening something they cannot control. But Casey knew her so he answered with his own stoic gaze until she began to speak._

 _"_ _I'm not going to let them."_

 _"_ _That's real cute, queen" Ed – the self-appointed clown of her new family – pitched in "But I don't think they're gonna listen to us much. We're right at the bottom of this totem pole. But fear not, we will protect you."_

 _She flashed him an amused grin "I'm not the one who needs protecting. I recall beating you in every single exercise, don't you?"_

 _"_ _That was like one time and almost half a year ago!" he groaned and covered his face with his hands in fake desperation._

 _Lance smiled at her warmly "I think if you're gonna have to say you lost against a girl, losing against_ _ **this**_ _girl is a privilege if I've ever saw one."_

 _"_ _Don't go all gooey on me!" she exclaimed and grinned at her family. She got up and pulled Lance up with her. "Where's Hank now?"_

 _"_ _I think I say him going to the supply wagon."_

 _She grinned throwing her arms in the air "Well, I really hope he's getting us some beer. Because this occasion calls for getting wasted!"_

* * *

Jane recalled the loud answering cheers as clearly as if they were standing next to her. That had been one of the most joyful days in her life that she could remember and she loved visiting this memory. The day after that they had been called into _Orion_. All of them together. It had been the beginning of the end and she wanted to remember them in a laughing way rather than in the desert running for their lives.

She wiped away a single tear that had found its way down her cheek and looked at the headstone one last time.

 _All gave some. Some gave all._

She knew that she would continue to give all she had for everyone she had lost and for everyone she had found. She would fight for her new family like she did for her last one.

Speaking of, she quickly glanced at her phone and grinned at the reminder that flashed over the background Patterson had set for her, one of the team in full combat wear on a training day – laughing.

It was time to get going.

* * *

 **Patterson**

The blonde was about to get out of her car when she remembered that she had forgotten her book at home.

"Oh shoot" she muttered under her breath going through the contents of her backpack for the third time and finally giving up rolling her eyes at her own unpreparedness but got out of the car anyway. At least she still had two crosswords with her and she didn't have that much time anyway.

Looking around the empty space in which she had parked her car, at the beginning of a rather big forest she took a deep breath and let the fresh air clear her airways from the fumes and dirt that were New York City. Starting her hike into the depths of green she remembered once again why she loved this place so much.

The first time she had been here was with David, she smiled at the memory. He had taken her here on their third date and she had been completely overdressed for this kind of location with her heels and dress and done hair. She had glared at him that he could've at least told her they were going hiking but when he had simply grinned at her and lifted her up she had melted just a little bit more for this sweet man who seemed to know her so well after such a short amount of time.

Using the same path she always used she looked around at all the familiar landmarks. Big rocks and old trees completely covered in moss. She had come to know this place like the back of her hand, if not better, and it was the one place she went to completely off the radar. It didn't even have cellphone reception. Which, in her job, didn't allow her to come here very often, only on days like today when she had the three hours off to simply enjoy her time. Which was what she was intending to do.

After about 15 minutes of quiet marching she got to the small break in the forest that was full of light and in the left corner of that clearing was her very own comfy cave in the midst of three trees standing close together.

She had built it with David on their third visit here. It had a wooden board as roof with a tarp to hold off the rain and all the green stuff they could find on top of it as camouflage. The walls they had constructed in a very similar fashion so that their own personal cave couldn't been seen from where she was standing right now. The entrance was on the side of the cave that looked away from the big lawn next to it but still got enough sunlight to not necessarily need a lamp on summer days.

Taking out the blanket she had packed she walked over to the hut and carefully made herself comfortable on the moss covered floor. She lay on her back for a little while, letting the sunlight warm her face while she enjoyed the sounds of the forest with closed eyes.

She had always been able to unwind in the nature better than in any spa she had ever visited. The chirping of birds, the soft swoosh of the trees and all the little insects around her going about their day, visiting flowers or building homes… She had always been fascinated by those small things just doing what they did, seemingly not having a care in the world.

After David's death she had spent most of her time off in this small cave crying until she had no tears left. She had cried so much in this place that for some time she couldn't bring herself to come back to the forest because she couldn't make herself remember anything positive with this location.

But she had realized some time ago that in this place she felt closer to David than anywhere else, not in a way that made her miserable and didn't let her go on with her life but in way that she felt safe here. In this place she could feel all the warmth and laughter that David had brought into her life and she worshipped those moments.

She rolled over onto her stomach and pulled out the two crossword puzzles she had brought with her. Another one of her favorite past times. Another reminder of David. But so be it. She loved puzzles.

She spent the rest of her time there keeping her mind on the pages and staring out into the forest with a pen between her teeth when she was thinking very hard about something. Like always when she came here, she completely forgot the time. So, when she took a quick look on her watch she had to do a double take.

It was already 6:30pm so she got up as fast as she could collecting all her stuff and all but rn back to her car. Damn. She was late. _Again_.

* * *

"Oh, great I'm not the last one to get here" Jane grinned and plopped down next to Weller in their favorite bar on their regular table.

He grinned up at her "No worries. Patterson texted half an hour ago that she'd be a little late so I guess she's gonna be _really_ late."

She laughed and shook her curls "Want me to get you a beer?" without waiting for his reply – because really, she knew the answer – she got up and walked over to the barkeeper who, when he saw her coming, already pulled up two Pennsylvanian beer and chatted with her a little.

Kurt watched her and couldn't keep the smile from his face. They weren't quite sure where they stood in regards of their relationship, yet, but this place had become as much as their safe haven as the park at the end of his street was his.

"Jane's flirting with the bartender again? Boss, you should really keep an eye on her" he heard the deep voice of his co-worker and friend next to him and looked up rolling his eyes as Reade sat down next to him.

"I'm pretty sure she can watch out for herself" he replied nonchalantly, knowing that the only thing Jane and Jake ever talked about where his new paintings for art school, "But you're late. Where have you been? What's her name?"

"What's who's name?" Tasha chimed in appearing behind them and sitting down next to her best friend "You're seeing someone? You should've brought her!"

"Well, A" he rolled his eyes at her "Nice to see you, too, Tash. And B I was at the library and the librarian is like 70 years old and her name is Molly."

"Awh. That's cute. I didn't know that was your type" she stuck her tongue out at him and ducked away from his light punch to her shoulder "I'm gonna get us something to drink" she said and got up joining Jane at the bar.

When the girls got back the two men were already in deep conversation about their last case and both Jane and Tasha glared at them.

"I thought we said this place is a work- free place?" Jane wanted to know with a challenging tone, supported by Tasha's raised eyebrow.

"Sorry" both men said in unison.

The four of them started chatting about everything and nothing in particular and after about 40 minutes even Patterson joined them and they stayed in the bar until well after midnight, relishing in the knowledge that they didn't have to work the next day and in the company of each other.

Every one of them had their own personal safe haven to ground themselves and to find peace with themselves. But together, in this bar, in nights like these, they became each other's landmark, leading them through the most stressful and most hilarious situations.

They had become each other's homes.


End file.
